Masked identity…

How many times in life have you wondered…

Of who you actually are… of why are you who you are…and how would it feel if you get to end it all…

Well…being honest… we all tag those black-clad pierced gothic looking people…EMO…
But try and introspect the true you… a little glance and you’ll realize how each one of us live through the weak moments..our own layer of black… shielding us from some made-up pain… or maybe..some true storm…

It is all in the mind they say… pain..anxiety…loss…happiness…love… all of it..

See I had this wonderful friend… who died one fine day…and as shameful as it could get…I never even noticed her death… so here is a little tribute to the friend I lost…

She was this little girl..as I remember her… always giggling about absolutely nothing… she lived in this make believe world..and actually sang bob the builder as she worked on her homework… everything was…KARKEY DIKHAGEY.. HAAN BHAI HAAN…!!!

She loved animals… not because she was into charity…but just cause she could express her true self to them… she was really special…
Not a great student..maybe.. but a great human being…
And lol..!! did she cry…yes…she did..and infact..she would howl on the smallest of deeds…she’d talk to her teddy bears..and she’d talk to the plants outside…would dance in the rains..would do everything wrong..and then cry… : )

But then..she died..
I dunno when… I still cannot decipher why… but she just died… and uncanny as it seems…I haven’t even found her corpse yet…

She lived real close…
Somewhere inside me….

But I couldn’t even realize a howling her when she needed me the most… I couldn’t even be a mute spectator… I just wasn’t there…

I dunno… I got to achieve a lot… maybe..lost even more… but even she had all I have now..
As far as I remember…she was the head girl too… with a junior tag ofcourse… but her first step was opening a green house…
Well my first initiative… punishing students..getting discipline…

Not that discipline isn’t important…but hey..!! how and when did I become so correct…?
What happened to doing everything wrong…?

Well…I remember a speech by this friend…
‘bahut saara kaam..and no aaraam… ney jack ko dull boy bana diya…’
Ofcourse she lost the competition… but her principal stood up and hugged her real hard…she hadn’t ever met someone so ‘unadulterated’…

The last speech I gave…
‘Love and friendship are nothing but shackles in the marathon of self-development’
Ofcourse…I won… and not only did I win… but the director of debate team of delhi university gave me her own honorary shield… she hadn’t met a better ‘orator’….

More over… I remember my friend getting ready for school…
Around 40 minutes in the wash room…
And 40minutes getting her socks perfected… how she hated those strings of thread in the inside of the socks… each day she’d cut a pair of socks..each day her folks had to get her new socks…. ‘mere anguthey mey yeh lagta hey…skin ko dekho.. red red kar deta hey..’
She was always late… but was let in..cause punishing her would mean a howling little brat for the entire day…

Me.. well I wake up around 30 minutes from the time of school… get ready in some 10 minutes… and then zoop off to school…
I am always late… but am let in… cause I am in the council…


Result day would mean her dancing on securing the 21st rank…
Result day for me …means nagging on how they are unfair to cut 3 marks… and how I lost a rank…

She’d win awards for the best clown in the troop….by artoons fun club…
I have been the best student in india for four years… by times of India group…

She’d wish to be a C.I.D officer… even sported bob cut from this little patri market saloon … to look like the baldy from the sony television flick…
I am deciding between engg. And journalism… and I sport the latest street cut with lager edges from my hairstylist from lakme chains..

She’d hug the school bus conductor…
I do not talk to friends when I am not in the ‘mood’…

She was herself…all times…all seasons…
I do not know how to define myself…


She was wrong…she didn’t care…
I am wrong…I am right… I am unsure…



She was human….
I am a mask…

She’s lost…
I can never be established….

She’s dead…
I can never live…